Had a very rough weekend, mentally. It seemed to be a combination of some sudden strong cravings for cigarettes after 2 weeks (even dreaming about cigarettes!) Thinking about Day 40’s entry dredged up some unresolved anger with my ex and everything she did, and I kept thinking about what she did, and it kept me in a foul mood. Then my kids making messes in the house and being disorderly in general, and I seemed to be overall lacking in patience, constantly cursing, either mentally or under my breath.
Today, I went to Awesome Flea Market in Shepherdsville, KY, which is actually one of my least favorite flea markets, or “swap meets” as we called them when I lived out west. I did score on some books, getting The Seven Mountains of Thomas Merton for $4, and Merton: by Those Who Knew Him Best for $2. I also found a copy of The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? for $1. Something I was curious about, having heard about it from a friend of mine in Akron, Ohio in a phone conversation. I looked over it yesterday and found much in it that I didn’t believe in or agree with. I don’t know if I’ll try the exercises anyway or leave in the book donation drop box across the street.
Deng Ming-Dao on Perseverence:
Another good entry for me. He says that “Work may be drudgery, maintaining a home may be routine, and we may find our goals quite distant. But we must persevere and prepare nonetheless. That will bring a steady pace toward our goals, and buoy our faith in rough and threatening times.” He says perseverance requires maturity and experience, and we should cultivate patience, planning, and timing. This is another entry where Deng Ming-Dao refers to “goals”, which as I’ve said before, has left me with much confusion about whether goal-oriented pursuits are in harmony with the Tao or not. Ming-Dao seems to hint that goals are part of Tao.
Daily Stoic: Protect Your Peace of Mind.
Duly noted, given my foul mood this week. Here’s a question, Holiday suggests: Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Is this really the environment you were made for? To be provoked by nasty emails and an endless parade of workplace problems? And so on. Ask yourself: Is this really the life I want?
And so begins a new week.