There isn’t much to report today. I bought a copy of The Art of Living by Bob Proctor as both Kindle and audiobook and listened to some of that while working today. I’m going on two weeks without a cigarette, reaching the unsexy stage where the lungs begin to clean themselves of the damage from smoking: The Coughing Up Mucus Stage. Lovely.
In disappointing news, some goals just haven’t been working out lately. I haven’t written anything as a book draft, only went running once this week, and haven’t spend a few minutes each day looking for work. The honest truth is I’m maxed out. I’ve working 10 hours per day, 5 days a week. I’m getting up at 4:30AM. That is giving me enough time to shower, eat breakfast, and write a blog. Then it’s off to work. I go hiking after work on Tuesday nights and Thursdays are group meditations. I have kids during the weekends. No matter what, the blog gets written every day and I go hiking once per week. The rest I’m just going to keep the goals, and do those things when I have free time, and keep trying to make time for them.
Deng Ming-Dao on Resolution:
Today was a good entry for me. I’m being completely honest in this blog, so I’ll come right out and say it. I have a very big issue of holding grudges for a long time. I’m not a resentful person who holds grudges, in general, but there is a certain process that works every time if you want to get me to hold on to resentment that I can neither or control or let go of for about a decade. It works like this:
- Do something to me that is malicious, insulting, mistreating me in some way, or taking from me.
- Have no remorse about doing it.
- Blame me for your doing it.
- Expect that the passing of time will make what you did okay. Expect me to “just get over it”.
Intellectually, I know that resentment and ill will, even righteous indignation, are poisons. They hurt me, not the intended target. I get that. I don’t have a problem with comprehending that idea using reason. I have a problem with letting go of negative feelings when things are left unresolved.
Deng Ming-Dao says “We often let thoughts, regrets, and doubts from past activities carry over into the present. This leads us to conflict. Instead of allowing this to happen, we should act without leaving consequences.”
Daily Stoic: Anger is Bad Fuel
Today, quoting Seneca again, who had much to say on the topic of anger, Ryan Holiday states that anger never solves anything. He mentions the successful who say anger is a powerful fuel in their lives. The desire to “prove them wrong” or “shove it in their faces” is shortsighted, Holiday says, because when the initial anger runs out, more must be generated to keep going, until eventually “the only source left is the anger at oneself”.
FYI: I am now several days behind on my blog posts. The next few blog posts will be more brief as I catch up.